Kai River Blevins
it’s all about the T.
the way it barrels
through his tenderness.
the way it spills
into the burgeoning emptiness of me.
the way it punctuates
the way i survive it
every fucking time.
i think he means
i make him uncomfortable
make him question everything,
i make his masculinity feel
like a façade. i think he means
i live too freely, my determination to survive
too public, too unapologetic,
too much like happiness. or perhaps
not enough like tragedy. i think he means
he doesn’t understand
how i can grow into something other
than Man, how i can rid myself of the expectations of
masculinity while his bleeding hands
clutch its shackles like a stillborn child.
i think he means straight people are meant to
do the bashing, i am out
of line, speaking when i know
i never have permission. i think he means
i remind him of the fear of
discovering yourself, of learning
you are the monster, the shameful
desire stuck in everyone’s throats.